Scandinavia Bob here hi,

There is something that most NoFap YouTubes don’t talk about that you need to be able to master, if you want to become good at NoFap.

Some talk about it, but most do not.

You need to be able to sit with your urges and yourself for a while without doing anything at all.

Escapism Behavior And Porn Addiction

Guys, you should know that almost everyone on this planet has a metaphorically black hole in their chest.

Some call it "the existential vacuum". Mark from Universal Man calls it "black hole"

And Scandinavian Bob likes to call it “the void”.

This void is bigger some days and smaller other days. And yes, it is true that if you are in some form of pain, or if you are trying to overcome an addiction, that black hole will be bigger for you. But you should know that almost everyone feels the existential vacuum at some point, even those who have a good life.

Do you feel a need to escape yourself?

Here’s a question for you...

When you are, for example, sitting at your kitchen table, do you ever put your phone down and just sit with yourself and your thoughts and feelings for a while?

Most people do not.

Not even for 1 minute!

In order to stop watching porn you need to be able to sit with yourself without  resorting to escapism behavior...

Well, in order to be able to overcome an addiction you need to be able to sit with yourself and your urges because, well just think about it...

If you were to dissect a craving, what you really would find inside is a cry for you to find something.

A cry, telling you that either you or something in that moment is not good enough as it is.

This is painful and it’s an ambiguous feeling often disguised as a craving.

However, if you can sit with your NoFap urges and tell yourself, "Ahh...the urges are telling me to go use online porn right now and everything will be alright...but wait a minute, I know that’s a lie because if I do, it will just make me feel worse in the long run…. well you’re not fooling me."

Listen to the void in your chest...

And then you sit for a while with that void and you allow yourself to feel it.

And by the way, really saying “you’re not fooling me” out loud can actually be really helpful, because it helps you put the logical part of your brain in charge.

Try it out, the next time you are feeling cravings. Let yourself feel them and then you put a smirk on your face and say, “haha you’re not fooling me”.

Sit with the pain...

But again, you have to combine this with being able to sit with the pain, because it is a form of mental pain.

A dark form of longing, in a sense.

And also, this is a skill that takes a bit of time to build up. So don’t try to do too much of it in your very first week, because in the beginning of your reboot your prefrontal cortex is not strong enough.

But you should sit a few seconds with your urges from your very first day and then build up over time.

By the way, would you say you are suffering from low self-esteem?

Low self-esteem and your escapism behavior when quitting porn...

Well, here’s something to consider for everyone, even those who are not addicted to anything.

What signals are you sending your brain if you never stop and sit with yourself, not even for one minute?

If you constantly have to distract yourself during all your waking hours, and you can't just sit with yourself for a moment, well, aren't you then sending signals to yourself that you are not worth spending time with?

Think about that for a moment. 

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By escaping yourself you're sending signals to your brain that you're a person who's not worth spending time with...

Now, I’m not saying you have to stop doing things, no no no no no.

However, do start spending a bit of time with yourself on a daily basis.

And this could be just putting your phone down while you are having your coffee today, and just take 2 or 3 minutes of your life and not distract yourself with anything.

When you do this, you will find that the existential vacuum starts crying out for you to do something, but then you just sit there while it’s crying.

Be okay with hearing the cry...

Sit there in the face of it and realize that you don’t have to follow anything if you don’t want and that you are actually the one who is in control.

And the more often you do this, the better you will become. Better at separating lies from the truth, because the fact is, most often the void is really telling you something you need to do.

And if you dig down past the first layer, which could for example be a lie telling you that you need to use adult sites now, you may just start finding more truthful stuff.

Like for example...

• I’m longing for connection...
• What I really want is to build a family...

The void can give you answers to deep questions if you stop escaping...

Now, I’m not saying that those are the case for everyone, for many guys they are, but it was just an example of how the void can start giving you real answers, if you stop running away from it constantly. 

So, don’t be afraid of the existential vacuum.

There is nothing wrong with you for feeling it.

Instead get to know it and make friends with it, because it can actually be a powerful ally to have on your side, as you trudge forward on your road to growing stronger. 

Oh and so, besides that guys, if you would like to help this channel grow and support me in my work, you can always buy me some coffee, you can find a link to that donation site right here, and if you choose to buy me some coffee, thank you so much. Every single cup of coffee really helps support my content.

Alright this Scandinavian Bob signing out for today.

Thanks for reading!

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