Do you have questions about porn addiction relapses?

Well, if so, this is the video for you.

Today I'm answering common porn addiction relapse questions, so if this is something you think you could be better at, you might want to stay with me all the way until the end here.

Note: If interested, you can read more about the online course I talk about, in the end of the video, in my article A good online course for overcoming porn addiction

Porn addiction relapse advice...

Scandinavian Bob here, hi!

Alright, it's time for some more porn addiction questions and today's theme is relapses.

So let's jump in right away...

Hi Bob, could you talk a bit about porn addiction relapses in general. What would you like young men out there to know about PMO relapses?

Well, yes...

There's nothing wrong with you for relapsing to porn...

First I’d like you to understand that most people relapse, and that there is nothing wrong with you for relapsing.

Now, a small minority have made it out of a porn addiction without relapsing. For example Gabe Deem comes to mind.

He’s one of the old timers, like me, who started rebooting way back when Gary Wilson's website still was pretty new.

But I don’t think it’s an overstatement to say that more than 95% of guys will relapse several times. So you shouldn’t feel like a failure for relapsing.

I would also like to see a better balance out there.

I would like to see a better balance between taking rebooting more seriously while not being too hard on you for relapsing...

You know, some people really beat themselves up after a relapse and I wish guys would stop doing that, because it’s not helpful.

Not in the least!

However, and here’s where the balance comes in, at the same time I would also like to see them taking pmo rebooting more seriously.

And by that I mean that, so many guys just go until they relapse, and then they try to break their record, but they don’t actually take the time to sit down and plan how to break their record.

You know, they just hope they will be able to make it.

But hoping isn’t enough!

It will take some effort to be able to make it, which leads me to the next question…

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How can journaling help with porn addiction relapses?

Hi Bob, in some of your videos you have talked about journaling.Just exactly how could journaling help me with relapses?

Well, it helps in many ways, because you get to know yourself and the patterns leading up to a relapse.

This is especially true with emotional patterns that can otherwise be a bit tricky to recognize.

But even other, more simple patterns.

By writing things down it doesn't take long before you start to come up with rules for yourself to get around those relapsing patterns.

By journaling you start noticing clear patterns...

Like for example, you notice where you relapse most often, as in the place. And when you relapse, as in what time of the day, and then what the steps that lead up to the relapse. 

Maybe you always relapse in your bedroom with your phone and so you come up with the rule, "No phone in the bedroom for your first 90 days of rebooting, no matter what!"

And perhaps you start noticing that it always happens if you aimlessly surf the web just for recreation, and that it tends to happen whenever you do it for more than an hour.

Well in your case then, I would set a golden rule of, "Max 1 hour of recreational surfing and then commit to that rule for at least 90 days."

Or perhaps you come up with an idea of moving your laptop close to a window, maybe in your kitchen. And you remove the curtains so that people outside of your house can see you.

And then you only use internet there in your kitchen for the next 90 days and nowhere else.

Journaling really shines with the emotional side of things...

I mean, these are things journaling will help you come up with just on a practical level. And again, when it comes to the emotional stuff, well there journaling really shines, because by putting down your thoughts on paper you get to know yourself on a much deeper level.

Now, sure, this takes some effort from you, but as I said in the previous answer, you have to be willing to put in some effort if you want to overcome this.

Alright, next question...

Losing motivation after a porn relapse...

Hi Bob, I always lose my motivation after a relapse. How can I keep going with high motivation no matter what?

Well, the truth is, we can't rely on motivation.

Because, well, 99% of us are just not going to be motivated every single hour of the week.

Motivation is overrated. 

Now, it’s not like I’m against motivation. If we happen to have it, then great, but we have to be able to keep going on days that we feel low as well.

And those darker days will come. 

Smart planning is vital...

This is best done by smart planning, and not setting the bar too high for you.

So that you will be able to achieve your plan, even on those bad days, and still get to collect those small wins - that we need in order to keep going.

You know, some guys make a rebooting plan for themselves when they are highly motivated. And they set 5 difficult things they need to do every day, from a 1 hour run to 2 cold showers, one hour meditation...

...and on and on. Not realizing that there will be days that they feel so low that they will not be able to do all of those. 

So, it’s better for you to only set rules that I talked about in the previous answer.

Set easy goals in the beginning...

You know, the ones you do to avoid relapses, because they are the most important ones, and in addition to those, just set very easy daily goals in the beginning.

Like for example, "I only need to exercise for 5 minutes."

Now, if you feel like doing more that day, then do so, but if not, then that’s ok.

You can always muster up the energy to do it for 5 minutes and by setting small rules like this, you avoid breaking them.

Never break your rules, because that makes you lose trust in yourself...

And, if there ever was a secret to motivation, that would be the secret right there.

To not break the rules, because more often than not, motivation comes after you started, not before

And on the other hand, breaking your own intentions only makes you lose trust in yourself.

I mean think about it, if your friend  gives you promises, but he always breaks those promises, you would very quickly stop trusting him.

Well, it’s the same with your relationship with yourself. If you break your own promises you will stop trusting yourself, and here’s the kicker...

When you stop trusting yourself your motivation also dies because your motivation could speak, it would say, “Why bother hoping, if he never delivers? It only makes me disappointed.”

And so, your motivation doesn't want to be part of your game any longer.

Alright if you found this informative, make sure to subscribe as I will be back with more answers real soon.

Thanks for reading.

-Scandinavian Bob

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